Life Is Short: Writing

There are in excess of 70,000 images in my iPhoto library. I've taken so many pictures over the years for two reasons. I enjoy photography, and the thought of Kelly and I looking at those pictures later in life makes me smile. Here in present day, I don't look at them all that often because we are too busy making new memories. I love that they are waiting for us and part of me is excited to grow old so that we can spend our days watching the images that made up our life as they glide by on a screen. I hope that we all get that chance, a victory lap of sorts. Raising children is difficult and I imagine that getting to look back and remember the journey so vividly after we have the benefit of knowing how everything worked out, is going to be the icing on our life's cake.

But that's a long way off... opportunities like that, they come at the end.

That's why getting to write my book was such a blessing. Life Is Short, Laundry Is Eternal is a difficult book to explain, when you read it you'll be left with a feeling, one that I think you'll be very happy that you experienced. However I worry some times that you might not be able to quantify the book after you've put it down, at least not in standard terms. Some days I can't decide if that possibility is a concern or a triumph. Is it a memoir, yes but no. Is it a parenting book, yes but no. Is it an uplifting read, definitely, but it doesn't belong on the inspiration shelf. Is the book about diabetes? In some ways it is completely, but then not really. Did I write a book that's nothing more than stories from my life as a stay-at-home dad? No, they are so much more than that.

Privilege.

Far and away the most intense feeling that Lynne's phone call left me with was one of privilege. Perhaps my book will sell five copies, and maybe it will sell fifty-thousand, who knows. The one thing I do know is that it will be published, bear my name and forever be associated with me. If I were to step off of a cliff tomorrow, my book will stand as the culmination of what the last forty-one years has taught me. I took that responsibility very seriously. Is the book just a bunch of stories, no. Could it have been, certainly it could have. I've had some intensely funny and interesting experiences in my life and I could have easily told them in a way that you would have enjoyed, but then they would have just been stories. I wanted to put my name on a book that was more then just entertainment. I wanted to leave a record that my children could proudly read as adults. A book that you would enjoy, respond to and perhaps retain.

I wanted my book to be more then just a a way to pass a few hours.

So I did something that I wish for all of you. I spent time thinking about my life. Not just a moment of reflection, not a day, but months of days. I was able to look back through my mental photographs and locate the moments that impacted me, the process allowed me to retrace my steps and see, from a new perspective, where the knowledge that I've accumulated originated. I got to relive my life through my now more mature eyes. That time was a gift. This opportunity was a treasure, one that I worked hard to share with you. I hope that I did that, I guess we'll all know shortly if I succeeded.

Is the book funny, yes! Will it make you cry, oh yea. Will you think, feel, love? Will my moments cause you to look back at yours thoughtfully, I think so. I'm most proud that Life Is Short brings it's readers to these emotions without preaching, I desperately didn't want to be that person and I'm confident that I succeeded.

I don't want you to think Life Is Short, Laundry Is Eternal is some bore fest from an overly earnest guy. Because oh no it is not, these are entertaining stories full of truth and real life. It looks at parenting, marriage, sex, love, loss, renewal and the moments when all of those things begin to make sense.

Life Is Short is a love letter to the women that so thoughtfully do what I do everyday, a reality check for those who don't see that job for what it really is and my addition to the world of books that I'm getting very excited for you to be able to read it.

The next entry in this series is tentatively titled Life Is Short: Intent Meets Doubt.

Life Is Short, Laundry Is Eternal has its own FaceBook page, you can visit it at this link.

Life Is Short: Where do I Sign

It was the Monday after Lynne's pitch meeting and I was folding laundry when my phone rang. This would seem like foreshadowing if I wasn't practically always doing the laundry. I was standing in Arden's room, putting her clothes onto hangers when I heard Lynne's voice come through the phone. I have to admit that I knew right away that her call must be good news. I mean, who would call with bad news that early in the week?

My table of contents and outline made a good impression at the pitch meeting and I was going to be offered a contract to complete a book based on my idea. Lynne's words took my breath away. I almost immediately pictured a book spine with my name on it. The little boy inside of me, the one that always wanted to write, he was smiling! I didn't know that I could still feel so childlike at my age.

We spoke about the reality of delivering a manuscript and when Lynne asked me if I could do it, I said "yes" immediately, but I had no idea to be honest. The most I write on Arden's Day is seven hundred, maybe a thousand words at a time. I had conscientiously taught myself to be brief for blogging (I know that I do go on longer sometimes) and I wasn't 100% sure that I could write in a longer form in a meaningful way but I was going to find out. A number of days later I was reading my first book contract, it's no windfall mind you, but I was inching closer to becoming a published author and it felt astonishing freeing and terrifyingly constraining all at once.

I'd tell you more about what Lynne said on that call but who knows, I can't remember one word that she spoke after the reality sunk in... I was going to write a book. My brain was throwing a party and dancing with a lamp-shade on it's head. When the music stopped I pulled myself together and called my wife. I told Kelly that Lynne asked me if I could delivery a manuscript on time, Kelly replied, "can you?".

"Yes, I think I can..."

I spent a couple of weeks finding out the true answer to that question. I wrote at much greater lengths to find my voice in long-form. I wouldn't call what I wrote an outline, that wouldn't be fair to outlines. It was perhaps more like a stream of conciseness about what I thought the book was. Some of the sentences in that exercise exist now in the book, some times word for word and others in tone or theme. Mostly, I just needed to prove to myself that I could tell my story in a way that hopefully would be meaningful and well received. 

I was nervous during that process for reasons that had little to do with writing a book. First off, this was a life-long dream. I couldn't imagine what I'd feel like if crafting a book was something that I couldn't do. What if I had no ability to accomplish the thing that I spent two decades believing that I was meant to do. What if it sucked? What if I like it and no one else responds to it? What if I let my wife down? I remember vividly being in my early twenties and telling my then girlfriend that I wanted to be a writer. Now here I am almost twenty years later and I was getting the chance to make good on my wish. I didn't want to let Kelly down, I didn't want to let myself down and I really wanted my kids to see that wishes can come true. Most of all, I wanted to write a book that impacted someone. I wanted to make a difference. So I wrote and wrote and didn't stop until I loved my voice at three thousand words the way that I do at seven hundred. When I found my legs, I typed out the first topic from my table of contents onto a blank page and began to write you a book.

I didn't have the courage to read those first words for a few days. When I did finally find the nerve, I never looked back.

In my next entry Life is Short: Writing I want to tell you about the catharsis that accompanied me as I wrote. It was a once in a lifetime feeling that I wish for everyone and a gift that I won't ever forget.

Life Is Short: Leighann Wrote a Book

It all begins with Leighann Calentine writing a book...

... because her opportunity created other opportunities. Leighann's book was to have a handful of sidebars written by some DOC members. Luckily for me I had just written a piece for her blog that she wanted to include in the book. She asked, I gleefully accepted, and months later her book was about to be published.

I never submitted my bio to her publisher and so one day they contacted me for a few lines about myself to include with my sidebar. That's when I met Lynne. I'm chatty and so if you get on the phone with me, I chat. I ask questions, tell stories, don't judge... it's sometimes lonely being a Stay-At-Home Dad. Lynne and I got on right away and she seemed to be enjoying our talk. As she got more comfortable, I got more comfortable, and then I asked how a person gets the opportunity to write a book. She told me about the numerous ways that it could happen and then expressed that she enjoyed what I had written for Leighann and said, "if you ever have an idea you should tell it to me".

Well you don't say that to a man who has wanted to write a book since he was five and not expect to get pitched a book on the spot.

I began speaking in the pause Lynne created at the end of her statement and I don't think I stopped until I fully expressed my idea for a book about being a Stay-At-Home Dad. When I finished speaking I was a bit embarrassed. She hadn't asked me to pitch a book, hell I'm not even sure she wasn't just being polite when she said, "If you ever have an idea...". I spent a long few seconds imagining that I may have just burnt this bridge but I felt good that I took my shot. That book idea had been in my head forever and it was ready to be let out.

My pitch must have been pretty good becasue that phone call ended with the promise that my idea would be presented at Lynne's next pitch meeting. I couldn't believe it, I found the notion that a publisher was going to sit in a meeting and pitch my concept almost otherworldly. Her promise marks the first time this year that I have been lucky enough to say and mean, "I never hoped or expected for this to happen to me". I was grateful and excited to hear back.

I tried not to wonder that next weekend if the Friday meeting really included my idea or if anyone liked it if it did. Monday morning I woke up thinking about that meeting, wondering, but I quick put it out of my mind and began my day. No one was calling, I'm just a guy that blogs about type I diabetes, sure I have stories and yes, I think I tell them well, but what are the odds? Pipedream at best.

But then later that day Lynne called, holy crap she really called! My pitch was a hit at the meeting. "How much time would I need to submit a sample table of contents" for review? I was shocked, surprised, excited, stunned, my head was spinning. I couldn't think of my name let alone how long I'd need to write a TOC. When Lynne hung up the phone I danced around my bedroom in a way that I am quite sure was neither attractive nor dignified.

I only recently had the courage to tell Lynne this next part. I sat down two days later and wrote my table of contents in ten minutes. I already knew the story that I wanted to tell, all I had to do was give each chapter a direction. The next day I went back to my list and added a three sentence description to each. I was describing to myself what I wanted each chapter to be about. I was drawing a map that I could follow when I wrote. I read and re-read that TOC a million times before I sent it off. This was it, this was my one opportunity. No one was ever going to make me this offer again. I believed that I was benefiting greatly from being at the right place at the right time. There was no way the universe was going to line up like this for me twice. I was going to take my best shot, grab on to this moment and not let go until I had no more to give to it.

I put that effort into my pitch, my TOC and if someone at Spry Publishing actually wanted to take a flyer on me, I was going to pour every ounce of who I was and what I had to offer into writing the best book that I could.

In the next installment Life Is Short: Where do I Sign you'll find out if they said yes to myTOC (spoilers, they do), I'll talk about my nerves and how I overcame my self doubt so I could began writing.

Life Is Short: Book Blog

The following is the post that I wrote to introduce the readers of Arden's Day to this book blog:. It appeared originally on Arden's Day, November 28, 2012.

I didn't have any intentions back in 2007 when I first published my thoughts online, no great plan, no goals, I just wanted someone to hear me and understand - I was lost, sucked into a vast confusion by Arden's diagnosis. I didn't know what I was doing with this blog until I received the first piece of email from a reader. It was from a mother who thanked me for sharing, then she offered me support. That email gave this site a purpose, it gave me a purpose. I wanted others to feel the relief that her kind connection gave to me. 

I feel a very real responsibility when I share my type I diabetes experiences with you and I sincerely hope that feeling shines through when I do. I've never blogged about anything other then diabetes until now.

I'll be blogging periodically about what it was like to write my book. I hope that you'll find the story interesting and even motivating. It's a story of luck, hard work, a little right place/right time and a whole lot of "look what we can all do together". I'll be titling these posts Life Is Short: Then the blog title so that you can easily tell these posts from the ones about type I. I want you to have the clear choice to either read or skip them as you see fit. I thought very long and hard about whether I should speak about the book here and if I did, how much was too much. I desperately don't want it's existence to take from or sully what I've built. Does that make sense? This blog has always been and will forever remain one of my proudest accomplishments. The feeling that I get from sharing here with all of you far exceeds my wildest dreams and I wouldn't trade your respect for anything. I don't need or want anything more then for 'Arden's Day' to help in some small way. I'm quite sure that most if not all of you know that, but I wanted to say it up front. Okay...

None of that means that I am not excited about my book, I'm crazy excited! I've been writing since I was a child and having a book published is so much more then I hoped for. When I think about what being published means to me... much comes to mind. I'm giddy at the thought of a book spine with my name on it, I have to be honest. Most of all I'm pleased to have the opportunity to keep a promise that I made to my wife a very long time ago. Kelly always believed in my writing and it took me a long time to be passionate enough about a topic to warrant me putting my thoughts down. I never doubted that I could write but I didn't want to write just anything. Nothing in life is certain and this opportunity may only ever come once, I want what I say, what gets bound and bears my name to mean something. I feel things very deeply, watch life intently and I pride myself on seeing humor, love and meaning in places that can often go unnoticed. These things bring me a wonderful peace, one that I'd like very much if others could feel too. I believe that I finally had something to offer that is different and this book is my best and most sincere attempt to tell that story. If I never write another thing, I'll always be proud of the words, sentiments and message that I poured into my book.

'Life Is Short, Laundry Is Eternal: Confessions of a Stay-At-home Dad' is not unlike 'Arden's Day'. It's the stories that struck at me deepest, stayed with me over time and taught me that parenting is the most important thing that I will ever do. Some of the stories are funny, some earnest. I think that you'll laugh a bunch, cry a few times, get scared, angry, hopeful and if I did my job you'll put the book down seeing parenting through my eyes.

My next entry Life Is Short: Leighann Wrote a Book will include the story of how the opportunity to write came my way, the beginning of the writing process and a bit about how I freaked out and happy danced after I agreed to write the book. With a little luck I may have the final version of the cover to show you soon. I hope that this first entry demonstrated that I plan to be as transparent about the book process as I am about diabetes. I genuinely believe that the ride I'm taking right now belongs to all of us, there is no way that a publisher would ever know my name if it wasn't for the strength that the diabetes online community possess.

- Scott